Shepard's Grief
by AmityN7
Summary: After receiving news of the death of a family member Shepard seeks comfort in Liara. The First story I ever wrote now updated to be less horrible but still pretty rough. If you're curious to find out what happened to Shepard's father in my universe read this.


Note- So this is a story I wrote a long time ago under a different username "LeoSmoot". It was a total train wreck so I fixed it up a bit a thought I'd share it.

Shepard's eyes jolted open and she catapulted herself up from her bed. It was late in the evening on the Normandy almost every crewman aboard was asleep in their bunks but Shepard couldn't sleep, her dreams made sure of that.

Every night it was the same, She thought of those who had lost their lives fighting the Reapers and of the innocent civilians who were currently being slaughtered by them back on Earth and all across the Galaxy.

In truth Shepard had not thought of much else since leaving Vancouver anytime she tried to distract her mind she thought of Liara, picturing herself by her side in some place far away from all the madness that had consumed the last few years of her life.

However every time Shepard tried to do so she felt guilty. Everything else including Liara were nothing compared to the threat of the Reapers. Distracting herself from that fact seemed foolish.

Shepard rolled out of her bed and felt her bare feet hit the cold floor of her cabin. She stood up and stretched rubbing her eyes clear from the short rest she had just awoken from. The Commander took a glance around at the dark cabin trying to create a mental map to the bathroom so she could navigate the room without blinding herself with the overhead lights. She strolled carefully across her room and the bathroom door opened up for her.

She figured taking a shower might relax her enough to catch some sleep so she stripped off her bra and panties and stepped under the nozzle before turning it on.

To Shepard her shower only seemed to have two temperatures, boiling hot or freezing cold so she choose to go with the latter that night. The initial blast of cold water tensed her skin. Shepard was used to the Normandy's freezing showers so she just leaned her head back and let the cold water run down her face. As she continued she did find herself able to finally move her thoughts away from the Reapers.

She pictured Liara again; beautiful and intelligent, Liara was truly what Shepard cared for the most. Her thoughts returned to that perfect place where this war didn't exist, where she didn't have the entire galaxy riding on her shoulders. It seemed to good to be true and she reminded herself that it was, and just like that the thought vanished from her mind.

Shepard let out a long sorrowful sigh, even with a ship full of her closest friends she had never felt so alone. She turned off the water and walked over to the bathroom mirror. Shepard took a long look at her reflection the stress of this war was already beginning to take its toll on her. She could see that her sleep deprivation was catching up with her, the Commander's eyes were weary and sore.

Shepard reached for a towel and used it to dry her dark hair before using it to cover her naked body from the freezing temperature of her cabin.

She pulled out a tank top and a loose fitting pair of pants from her dresser. It wasn't often that the Commander got to wear clothes that were actually comfortable so she again allowed herself to relax. She pulled the pants up her long legs and the top over her head but let her long black hair flow down her back and then sat down in front of her console.

She brought up the extranet. In her down time she often found herself sifting through the names of the dead searching for love ones unaccounted for.

In fact Shepard had not spoken to or heard from her mother since the invasion. She and her parents were never very close. Being raised on space station to space station while her father and mother were away on active duty for the Alliance ensured that she didn't see them very often growing up. For the most part Shepard had raised herself.

She did have fond memories of falling asleep as a young girl with her mother at her bedside telling her stories of grand space adventures; but that was long ago and every time Shepard thought back to those memories they became more and more difficult to picture.

Still she worried for her mother and as she scrolled through the names of the dead all thoughts of Liara and their perfect place vanished. Then a headline on the page caught her eye.

"Arcturus station destroyed by Reaper forces".

Shepard looked at the link in shock; her father had been stationed on Arcturus for years, ever since his active duty had ended. She almost hated herself for doing it but she clicked on the link and read every word franticly, so much so that she had to read the final sentence again.

"All personnel including the Systems Alliance Parliament are presumed dead following this tragic attack."

Shepard felt tears build in her eyes. Her and her father were never close or even friendly especially after her parents had learned she was a lesbian. She recalled the last time she spoke to him; Shepard's mother and father had caught her kissing one of her classmates in Shepard's room. A girl who happened to be Shepard's best and only friend. Her father forbid her from ever seeing the girl again.

"It's a slippery slope Jane! Next thing you'll have your tongue down some alien freak's throat!" her father had screamed at her.

His words angered and hurt the young Commander, Shepard recalled punching her father square in the jaw that night and the shocked expression on his face. The next day he left the station on a mission and never returned.

She received news from time to time about her father but after that day she never cared much to look into it further. But he was still her father and now he was dead.

The Commander did not cry often but that night she let go. She sobbed uncontrollably into her hands drowning her face in tears. Suddenly it all hit her, the innocents back on Earth the friends she had lost and the overall hopelessness of this war.

She tried to remind herself of all the times her father had been cruel to her in a hopeless effort to quell her grief but the memories did not comfort her.

Shepard composed herself and shut off the console while still attempting to hold back tears. She needed to eat something or better yet drink something anything to get her mind off of her father and the Reapers so she entered the Normandy's elevator and headed to the mess hall.

...

The door of the elevator lifted up and the Commander exited into the mess as silently as she could. She made her way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. At least she found luck here she thought.

A case of Earth brewed beer sat in the center of the fridge she pulled it out and found some bread and peanut butter nearby on the counter. She made herself a sandwich as the tears came back to her. Shepard sat down at the table and began to eat.

Liara was always a light sleeper ever since the night her mother Benezia, had first taught her about the Protheons. Since then she found that her racing thoughts made falling asleep difficult but waking up unfortunately easy.

The sound of someone crying was not the most pleasing thing she had awoken to however. Liara was a private woman who mostly kept to herself but she cared for everyone aboard the Normandy as if they were family, so she figured she would find out what was wrong with the sobbing woman in the mess hall.

As Liara exited her room however she was shocked to see that the tears had been coming from Shepard who quickly looked up at her in embarrassment.

"Shepard?"

Liara had never seen her cry before and the sight filled her with more sorrow than she would of imagined.

"Liara I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake anyone" Shepard replied tearfully.

"Never mind that, what's the matter?"

Liara sat herself down across from the tearful Commander. After a brief moment of silence Shepard answered.

"I... uh...received some bad news." The Commander told the Doctor and found herself unable to make eye contact with the Asari.

"What happened?" Liara asked, more frightened now she could tell that Shepard was having trouble finding her words.

"It's personal."

As soon as the words left Shepard's lips she cursed herself. Liara and her had been intimate more than once and Shepard knew without a doubt that she loved Liara. If she couldn't tell her than whom could she tell?

"Oh!" Liara said trying to hide how Shepard's comment had hurt her "Are you alright? Are you sure you don't want to talk about it with me?"

Shepard pondered her words she had to talk about her father with someone but she didn't know what to say she did know that that person was Liara though.

"My... um... my Father was killed in a Reaper attack on Arcturus station."

Liara's face quickly changed from fear to pity. She hated herself for being offended by Shepard's previous comment.

"Goddess Shepard, I'm so sorry." she heard the sadness in her own voice but Shepard just sat there silently with more tears running down her face.

Liara had never seen the Commander like this. Her long black hair was let out of the bun it was usually kept in and her large full lips quivered with sadness, by all meaning of the phrase Liara was caught off guard by the encounter.

"Come into my cabin Shepard, please."

Shepard just nodded, finished off her food, and grabbed the beers as see stood up and followed the Asari to her room.

...

The two women sat on Liara's bed. Beyond inviting her into her cabin Liara didn't know what to do. It had been only a few short but very eventful years ago that Shepard had become the first human that the Asari had interacted with and she still found it somewhat difficult to do at times.

She doubted Shepard would be in the mood for sex or much of anything so Liara racked her brain trying to think of a way to cheer her up.

"Do you want to talk about him?" Liara asked.

"No." She answered definitively.

"Are you sure?"

"All I want to do is forget that this ever happened" Shepard said as she opened one of the beers and took a long swig.

Truthfully it was not her father that troubled her the most. The more she tried to move on the more her thoughts turned to the innocents who were being harvested or simply killed by the Reapers. Innocents that she could not save.

"I understand." Liara said and then fell back into silence again.

She hated seeing her like this, she looked so defeated and scared. The Commander had always made Liara feel safe but now she felt as though she needed to protect her. She hated the reapers for doing this to her, she hated that such a brave, compassionate, and strong woman was cursed with such a painful and difficult life.

Shepard reached for another beer and offered it to Liara. The Asari was pleased by the sign of recovery but rarely drank alcohol. And she had never tasted human alcohol, but she softly took the bottle from Shepard's hand.

Liara opened the bottle cap using her shirt and smelled the drink inside. It was a scent she had never smelled before and she wasn't sure if she liked it or not, but she couldn't risk offending Shepard especially when she was like this so she took a large swig.

Liara almost gagged; the shocked expression on her face actually made Shepard smile though so she didn't comment on the taste but instead took another big sip.

"You have never drunk a beer before have you?" Shepard asked her tearful voice seemed to be mending at the humorous sight of Liara trying to fake enjoyment out of the drink.

"Well um no. How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess."

"Well it's certainly tasty" Liara lied.

Shepard seemed to be cheering up, so Liara thought it may be better to get her thoughts off her father and on to the drink they were sharing.

"Am I doing it wrong?" Liara asked arching one of her eyebrows.

Shepard laughed, "not really"

Liara smiled at Shepard and Shepard returned the favor. Shepard took a moment to admire Liara's beauty her soft blue skin and her beautiful blue eyes made Shepard's father drift further from her thoughts it even made the Reapers leave her mind.

Shepard leaned forward and kissed her and this time Liara returned the favor. She felt Shepard's tongue inside her mouth and instinctively reached her mind out in an attempt to initiate a meld. Liara was disappointed when Shepard pulled away from her lips.

Shepard finished her beer and looked at Liara's almost full bottle. Liara noticed this and quickly brought the neck of the bottle to her lips and took several chugs mimicking what Shepard had done before her and finished the drink. She choked a little bit on the last few chugs of the cold beer but was surprised that she actually found the drink less disgusting than she did a few short moments ago.

Liara quickly turned her attention back to Shepard who had grown quiet again.

"Shepard…. I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing you have to say. I'm sorry I woke you up I really didn't mean too."

Liara could hear the sadness retuning to her voice and was desperate to stop it but she didn't know what to do. The doctor reached for two more beers and this time she offered one to Shepard. The Commander cracked another smile and took the drink.

"Are you trying to get me drunk Liara? I'm not sure even that will make me feel better."

Shepard took a couple large swigs from the bottle and Liara mimicked her.

"I'm glad you woke me up Shepard. You spend all your time being strong for the crew that it's easy to forget that you need someone to be there for you."

"I have you." Shepard responded, she was happy that Liara had found her as well.

"I hate to say it Shepard but I don't think I can say I have been there for you like you have for me. From Therum to the Broker, you have always been there to help me. When it comes right down to it I don't think I'm a very good friend, certainly not good enough for you."

Shepard looked shocked "Liara, there's nobody I'd rather be with right now. You're the best friend I have."

Shepard wanted to stop calling her Friend it made her feel even more distant from her but she didn't know what to call her girlfriend seemed too strange to her, and bondmate was a decidedly alien term.

"And you are about the only friend I have in this Galaxy. You mean a great deal to me Shepard."

Liara struggled to tell her how she felt as well but she knew what she said was the truth. 50 years ago if someone had told her that she would feel this strongly for a human she would of never believed it and now here she was sitting across from one that she not only cared for but also perhaps even loved. Shepard smiled back at Liara.

The Commander finished her second beer and grabbed a third. Liara followed suite and finished her second drink too and grabbed another from the box.

"You ever think about what you want to do after this war is over?" Shepard asked.

Liara didn't hesitate "As long as its with you Shepard I couldn't care less."

The Asari's words made Shepard blush.

"Seems like those days will never come. I've been fighting these monsters for what seems like a life time, I can't even picture life after anymore." Shepard let out a sigh "This war is going to kill me Liara."

A couple more tears dropped from her eyes. Liara was caught off guard yet again by the Commander.

"You know what I think Shepard? I think your going to defeat the Reapers, Save the Galaxy and live out the rest of your days with a very happy Asari by your side." Liara reassure her but Shepard seemed unconvinced.

"But what if you were right back on Mars? What if these really are our final days and we spend them on this wild goose chase?"

Liara cursed herself for ever speaking those words.

"Then I will die without any regrets Shepard. In the past 3 years I've done more living than the previous 100 years combined."

Shepard finished her third beer and glanced at the now empty 6 pack. Shepard stood up from the bed

"I should go. The crew will be waking up soon and we have a lot to do today."

When the Commander turned to leave Liara grabbed her arm and spun her around. The Asari looked up into her green eyes.

"Stay here tonight Shepard. Please."

Shepard smiled and laid back down on the bed.

"Okay, if you insist." She answered jokingly and got under the covers.

Liara joined her and leaned her head on Shepard's shoulder and closed her eyes. Shepard felt the warmth of the Asari's legs against hers under the covers and closed her own eyes. Shepard still thought of her father but nothing could spoil the comfort that the warmth of Liara's body gave her. And before long both women were asleep.


End file.
